his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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