There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
