we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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