I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
