i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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