my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
