shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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