He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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