There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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