We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
