Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
