i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
