K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
