was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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