Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
