It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
A+ Viking dick
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
