haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
