As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
