nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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