Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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