The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I checked into jail on foursquare
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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