So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
