Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
