he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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