Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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