those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
