Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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