why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
