The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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