i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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