I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
