they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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