Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
