she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
