fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i drank out of a bidet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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