Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
