dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
