last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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