i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
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This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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