You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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