I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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