Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
