I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
