Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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