So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
organizing the empties. That sober.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize