I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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