What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
