remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
