Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
