Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
