your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
