what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
