wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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