I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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