Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
