everyone is single if you try hard enough
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
