I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
