I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Randomize
