How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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