Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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