he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
