Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
