True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
