I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
