thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
