Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
