You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Dear god my vagina.
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