i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
