the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
