he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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