Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
