i was born a porn star she said
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
