my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
