we're making bets on your personal life
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
