He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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