No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
