WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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