i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
